Stay-at-home moms on Tyra Pt.2

Now, on the to the SAHM vs. working moms debate. This is what REALLY got me…

So, of course, I was looking forward to seeing what was going to be said about SAHM’s, and I was absoultely infuriated by the the time the show was over. First off, the entire audience was composed of mothers, and it was supposed to be half working moms, and half SAHM’s. In actuality there was about 75% working moms and 25% SAHM’s, which was the first thing that disappointed me because Tyra made a point of noting that the audience was supposed to be 50-50.

The panel was two SAHM’s, and two working moms, and I can only remember one of the fours womens names, because she was the most vocal, and the biggest letdown for SAHM’s, Stephanie. She started out well, talking about how she loved staying home with her sons, and how she kept them active with playdates, but then she started to break down and cry when Tyra asked why she made the decision to stay home. She said, while crying profusely, that she wanted to stay home with her kids because her mother wasn’t around as much as she would have liked her to be, it affected her adversely, and she didn’t want to do that to her kids. From then on, all of her defenses against the working moms were whiny and weak.

The other SAHM (whose name I cannot remember) talked about how her sons had playdates and how she always wanted to stay home with her kids. Tyra then begins to interview her husband who was sitting in the audience, and he says that he thinks she has the easy life, that all she does is go to the pool and do fun stuff all day, that she doesn’t clean up or do anything else, and that he is the one who cooks and cleans up. He said that he thinks she should go to work, and he stay home with their sons because she has it too easy. She promptly shuts up, and doesn’t speak for the rest of the show.

Damn! So that’s what we get Tyra, a woman who is ALREADY perceived as weak for her decision to stay home breaking down and crying, then whining the rest of the show, and a woman whose husband doesn’t even support her decision to stay at home with their children??? The case for working mothers was looking really good in opposition to these women, and if I was a young single woman watching the show or in that audience, based on what I saw, I would have had an extremely low opinion of SAHM’s and what they do.

What’s more is that the Black working mother said that she tried staying home with her kids for a while, and was bored beyond belief because all she did was sit around and wait for the next tv show to come on and find the next thing she could eat in the refrigerator. She not only said that, but was at the same time inferring that that’s the way all SAHM’s are, which couldn’t be further from the truth. I know for myself, I ALWAYS have something to do (taking care of my son, cleaning, laundry, running errands, getting groceries, making meals, etc), AND I make sure that my son and I are both doing activities that are fun, and get us out and around other people.

I know that at times I can be defensive about being a SAHM. It’s because being a mother has become so devalued in our culture, and people can treat you like you are a complete failure if you make the decision to stay home. I, for one, have two degrees, worked (and hated it, like MOST people), had a mom who worked, and had lots of examples of working women (most of whom were single, and unhappy) who had children. As I said in my post, F*ck that, i’m a Mother, the expectation was that I would be a working mom, and when I chose to stay home with my son, my decision was frowned upon by many close to me. So, what I was truly disappointed in was the weak and inadequate representation of stay-at-home mothers.

Sometimes I feel like I try too hard to combat all of these negative and incorrect perceptions that people have about what I do and what type of woman I am, but when other people see women like Stephanie, they lump us all together, and I have to remind people, I AM NOT THAT WOMAN! I would have liked to have seen two women who were strong and secure in their decision to stay home and raise their children, and not a reinforcement of the “bored housewife/soccer mom” stereotype. I am very lucky to have a husband that is incredible, and I wish that both of those ladies had husbands who were as supportive and fiercely protective of me and what I do for our family.

So, to all my sisters out there who have made the decision to stay home, we must continue to be resolute in informing others of the importance of what we do. Keep showing people that you are committed to what you are doing for your family, and be a positive and uplifting representation of what a stay-at-home mother is. PEACE!

Stay-at-Home moms on Tyra Pt. 1

I was watching Tyra last week, and she had a show on mothers, and the topics were about extended breastfeeding and stay-at-home moms vs. working moms, and the eternal mommy wars. Who does their job better? I was so incredibly disappointed in this show because it was not at all objective, and it made me have a little less respect for Tyra and her producers, because they allowed an incredible amount of bias against the mothers who were still breastfeeding and stay-at-home moms (SAHMs for the rest of this post).

I was so mad, it took me this long to write about it. I actually wrote the show and left two comments that were not posted on the website, which I am incredibly disappointed about, but hey, they have the right to pick and choose what comments they want, right? I popped in a little late, and so I didn’t see the very first segment of the show, but I came in where a woman named Veronika (who i’d actually heard about before on Youtube) was talking about how she was still breastfeeding her two daughters, one of whom is 8.5 years old.

Now, i’m not mad at her for continuing to breastfeed her children at that age because I know it’s benefits (antibodies, cognitive development, oxytocin, bonding, etc), and it even pushes the limits of my comfort levels, but who am I, or anyone to say that she is a horrible person for it? Well, most of the women in the audience felt that they needed to tell her how disgusting it was, how she was self centered and has issues with “letting her children go”, and it was even suggested (by the so-called “psychotherapist no less) that she has intimacy issues that she needs to seek help for.

Women said things like, if they’re old enough to ask for it, you shouldn’t be breastfeeding them, that it was the most disgusting thing they’d ever heard, that she probably had no sex life because (it was automatically assumed) her husband couldn’t possibly be attracted to her. She said it was quite the opposite, that her husband was more turned on by her because of what she was doing for their girls.

I was absolutely appalled at what I was hearing from these women. Then I had to remember how uniformed women are in this country about their bodies, and particularly their breasts. In America, breast have become synonymous with sex, when their primary use is to FEED OUR CHILDREN. In other countries, it is not unheard of for women to breastfeed their children until they are 7 or 8 years old, in fact, it’s only here and the UK that women routinely breastfeed for 6 months or less, or not at all (even though the World Health Organization recommends 2 years AND BEYOND http://www.who.int/child_adolescent_health/topics/prevention_care/child/nutrition/

breastfeeding/en/index.html).

In fact, a while ago, Anthony and I heard about a story of a 7 year old Indian boy who was at school sick, and his mom came to the school to nurse him, and he started to feel better. Don’t get me wrong, 8 years old definitely tests my comfort levels, but that woman should have a choice on whether or not she wants to feed her girls, and she should not be ridiculed and looked at as a freak because she does. Women don’t realize how detrimental it is to give a child formula, and if they did, they wouldn’t give it to their children. (I’ll talk A LOT more about breastfeeding vs. formula in later posts)

Now, on the to the SAHM vs. working moms debate. This is what REALLY got me…