Defining my own Success pt. 1

“There is only one success-to be able to spend your life in your own way” – Christopher Morley

There is often talk of what makes a person successful.  Usually it is based on material things like the kind of car you drive, the type of house you live in, what kind of clothes you wear, the kinds of vacations that you are able (or not able) to take, what you do for a living.  Somehow, and sadly, the definition of success has largely become income dependent.  Can you or can you NOT afford to do something.  I am so incredibly thankful to have had people in my life who have shown me that success in life is how you define it.  My success will look VERY different from yours, and you know what?  That’s OK!!!! It’s supposed to be that way!

It’s easy to get caught up in seeing what people have, and believing that we are supposed to have those things, and if we don’t, then we are not as successful, or living life the way that we should be.  I thank Yah for the clarity to be able to look past that and see how none of that stuff matters when you don’t feel good about yourself, or you feel empty at the end of the day.  Some people are always searching for “that thing” that will make them feel like they’ve finally “made it”.  My children have been the greatest blessing in my life because they allow me to see that I am a success in ways that I never would have imagined.   Having children changes everyone in different ways, and mine have certainly changed me for the better.  Because of them, I have accomplished feats that I might not otherwise have attempted, because I know that they are watching me.   I know that I have to provide the example for them so that they will have no excuses about not pursuing what they love and working hard to get the things they desire.

Success looks like a lot of things to me, but mostly it has to do with happiness.  Sounds cliche, and perhaps a bit corny, but at the end of the day, I want there to be happiness and love encompassing my life, and the path that I am on now is paving the way towards that goal.  It all starts with my family.  I have lots of reasons to be proud of myself and my children give me the confidence to push forward even when I may be apprehensive.  I am proud of myself for being a champion for my children, and doing all things to ensure their safety (physical, mental and spiritual), happiness, and well being.  They have reminded me that I am a lioness and I am a fierce protector of my cubs.  The best feedback I get from them is random hugs and kisses and “Mommy, I love you SO much”.  THAT is my success, and that is something that no one, and I do mean NO ONE, can EVER take away from me.


My, how time flies!

Didn’t realize i’d been gone so long! I started this blog with the intent to produce content at least two or three times a week, and then life with two small kids happened, I started school, and this just took a backseat. With my current journey, I really do feel that it needs to be shared, so I am going to use this as my personal journal. I hope that those of your who’ve continued to come back and check and see what I was up to will come back, comment, and share your thoughts with me. Until next time…

Sometimes you dont feel like doing ANYTHING

You know those days…

When the kids seem EXTRA irritable, and are crying or whining all day, and refuse to take naps.  You have so many phone calls to make, emails to send, papers to write, (in my case) tests to take, shopping to do,  and oh yeah, don’t forget to feed the kids (AND yourself) in the midst of all this.  It feels like your head will start spinning off your neck, and you look at it all and just decide to do…NOTHING.  I know it seems counter-productive, and maybe even like self-sabotage, but sometimes, you really do just have to let it all go for a day (maybe even two), and just sit down, and try to relax.  It is EXTREMELY hard for me to do, because I hate looking at the laundry just sitting there, unfolded.  Sometimes I daydream that, like a Disney movie, a little song will come on, and the clothes will just jump up and fold themselves, the dishes will wash themselves, the kids will be happy all day, and everything will run smoothly, and calmly.

But then reality sets in, and I realize, I just need to sit my butt down sometimes.  I can’t do everything, as much as I would like to believe I can.  I am only one person, and I will not risk making myself freak out because I can’t let some stuff slide for a few days.  It will get done, the world will not come crashing to a halt, and I have retained my sanity for another day.

Whew!  Ok, now i’m off to bang out some of this homework…

Im back, really this time!

I started this blog with the intention of writing every day and sharing my life, as a mommy “on the go”.  Once I was heavily pregnant with my daughter and taking care of my son, who was still one at the time, not only did I not have the time, or energy to write, when I DID have time, I did not feel like I was “on the go”, and therefore had nothing to write about.  I was wrong, there was always things I could have written about, but I just wasn’t feeling so inspired.  Then I realized that people still write on their blogs, even when they dont “feel” like they have something to say….because eventually, they DO end up having something to say, and it sometimes inspires others.

Even though, I still am not “on the go” as much as I once was, there is still a lot going on in my life, and ive decided to stop self sabotaging, and go ahead and write even when I dont feel like it, because for one, its therapeutic, and it might also help someone else through what they are going through.  Which leads to why I wanted to write today.

I am SO incredibly thankful that my husband is supportive and does what he can to be able to afford me the opportunity to stay at home with our children.  There are so many things that I get to see and experience on a daily basis that most moms dont get to, because they have to be at work.  I get to live more life, and have more fun than most moms because I stay home with my kids, and that is the best thing that I could be doing for them, and me.  It is so easy to become cynical with life, but when you are around children all day, there are the times where they get on your nerves, but mostly its an amazing experience to watch them grown, learn, and in my case, watch them interact with their siblings.

Earlier, my heart warmed because of my two little munchkins.  My daughter had been sleeping, and to get our (mine and my sons) attention, she let out a high pitched scream.  As he always does, her brother dashed to the room and jumped on the bed to see what was going on with her, and as soon as she saw him, her eyes lit up, and she squealed with delight, and reached for him, and he gave her a big kiss, hugged her, and proceeded to jump all over my bed.  Its moments like these that I am so glad that I am home with them to be able to see things like this.  I could easily send them to daycare, and no one would blink, or think twice about it, but to see these two have this time together is absolutely priceless.  I look forward to seeing how their relationship grows and develops over the years, big brother is already super protective of his little sister.  Im just grateful that I get to watch it all develop right before my eyes.

I love you munchkins!

Dear Blog…

Dear Blog,

I have to start with an apology and say that I am SO sorry for neglecting you.  It wasn’t intentional.  I didn’t even realize that it had been so long.  Not that it’s any GOOD excuse, but I had a baby, was still taking care of the big baby who just turned 2, and moved across the country.  I hope you understand, and that we can start fresh, and move forward from here.  I love you Blog, I really do, and I promise to be more attentive, and  post to you as often as possible.  Thanks for understanding.


Traveling with Two Under 2, Part II

Wow, is all I can say.  It took me almost a week to recover enough to even be able to write about my first trip with both of my children.  But then I remembered how bad it was, regressed, and decided to wait until we got back home to write about the whole travel experience.  Still traumatized, I waited even longer, and now, here it is.

For the flights going to Dayton, I did everything good mommys are supposed to do…packed a bunch of my sons favorite snacks, his favorite toys, got him TV on the plane so he could watch cartoons, had Mr. Bluefin (his stuffed fish) ready in case he wanted to take a nap, and NONE of it mattered.  He just wanted to do what he wanted to do.  The first leg of the trip, he did well during the take-off, watched cartoons for a little while, and I thought, wow, this won’t be as bad as I thought it would/could be.  THEN the whining started.  He decided that the cartoons bored him, he didn’t want to watch them anymore, so he started to throw the earphones, almost hitting the woman in front of us.  So, I thought, well maybe he wants a snack.  Pulled out his favorite granola bars, no dice.  Cheese and crackers?  No thanks, crumbled them up and threw them on the floor.  FINALLY got a hit with the fruit snacks, but only had two little packs left.  It wasn’t enough.  He started to get mad that there weren’t anymore, so he started whining again.  Ok, pull out his Bumblebee Transformer, nope, doesn’t want that….okay…maybe the laptop he just got that he loves so much.  Nah, not really interested, played with it for about 5 minutes, and threw that too.  Then the whining started again.

I’m thinking to myself, thank GOD this is only a one hour 45 minute flight, but then I thought, man, he’s gonna do this the WHOLE rest of the way, then thankfully, the drink cart comes by to save the day.  For a little while at least.  He’s calm for about 15 minutes while he sips on his little soda.  I am thankful to the flight attendant for getting us a re-fill and buying me another 15 or so minutes of whine-free time.  So he whines for most of the rest of the flight, but I tune it out for the most part, and just try to keep him quiet enough so that he’s not disturbing all the other passengers.

So then this horrendous smell starts to permeate the air, and im looking around like, “who the HELL is THAT?!?!”  Then, to my dismay, I realize its my child, and I had to laugh out loud a little bit.  So I take him to the incredibly small bathroom, change his rancid smelling diaper, and think, there’s not much else that can go wrong.  BOY, was I wrong.  About 20 minutes later, we’re sitting down, well im sitting down, he’s jumping on the seat, squealing, because the man behind us is playing with him.  I try to get him to sit down, and then he turns and looks at me, shakes his head, and then throws up ALL OVER himself, me and his sister, who is in a sling.   I don’t even have time to say anything but, “Oh!”, the beginning of OH MY GOD!   I just sat there and looked at him for about 15 seconds, too stunned to do anything else.  The man sitting behind us (who obviously has flown with children before) immediately popped up out of his seat, and got us some paper towels.  The flight attendents were also really cool and helped us out.  After that leg of the trip, I vowed to never again travel with two small children by myself.

Coming back to California, however, wasn’t so bad.  Miles still didn’t want to walk around the terminal or the jetway to get down to the plane, which made things more complicated, but didn’t really phase me.  I was SO happy once we completed our trip that I just took a couple of days and didn’t really do much of anything that required me having to get the kids ready and leave the house.  Now if I could just get these suitcases unpacked…

Traveling with two under 2, Part I

Pray for me.  Tomorrow will be my first foray into traveling with two small children.  I have to say that I am not particularly looking forward to it, but I am trying to make sure that I am as prepared as I can be so that its not total chaos.  When I was traveling with just my son as a baby, it was still relatively easy.  Pack a couple snacks, some toys, put him in the sling and go.  Traveling with him was easy, he usually nursed as the plane was taking off and slept most of the way until he was about 17 months old, which was the last time we flew.  I was 7 1/2 months pregnant, and it seemed like once we got into the airport, he turned into a tasmanian devil, twisting out of my grip, wanting to run everywhere, and screaming as loud as he could.

This time, he’s 22 months, and I have a 5 1/2 week old, so it’ll be just that much harder.  He’s stepped up his rambunctiousness, and is one of the loudest kids I know right now.  Im just hoping that he will keep it together while we are on the plane.  My daughter will be a breeze, just put her in the sling and give her some boobie if she needs it, and she’s good.  Im trying to think of all of the things that I can do to make sure that he’s occupied, and doesn’t scream his brains out the entire way, without having to pack ALL of his toys.  Thankfully, we will have free DirecTv, so maybe some cartoons will help to keep him occupied.

Ah, just praying that everything will go smoothly, and maybe he will fall asleep for the second leg, since we will be flying mostly in the late after, early evening.  No naps for him tomorrow unless its on the plane!  Will update once we’ve completed our trip.  Here’s to flying and staying sane!