Is the food safe to eat?

If you’ve been watching the news recently, you’ve seen all the beef recalls, and recalls on vegetables like tomatoes, bell peppers, chile peppers, and spinach in the recent past. It’s interesting because the ONLY reason that these stories came out is because LOTS of people got sick this time and reported it, they couldn’t risk ruining their industry, and so they went ahead and recalled some of the food. There’s no telling how many times people have been sick and not realized that what they were experiencing was food poising. That’s scary to me!

What a lot of people don’t realize is that these companies are about their bottom line, NOT your health. They put all kinds of pesticides and herbicides on your vegetable, and hormones and sh*t in your meat, and don’t think twice about it. People like to believe that the government has our best interest at heart, and set up regulations that would protect us from pesticides that have been linked to cancer and developmental issues, and hormones that are causing detrimental changes (developmental and fertility) in our children. I wonder how many people would change their eating habits if they realized the toxic load that they were putting on their bodies.

Over the past couple of years, my husband and I have slowly made the transition to organic, locally produced fruits and veggies, and grass fed, hormone free meats to reduce the toxic load on our bodies, and it has made a tremendous difference. Is organic better, yes, but it also depends on what you buy organic. In the last couple of years, organic has become a buzzword that is slapped on so many products and you can’t tell what’s good and what’s not. Check what organic means in your state. In general, the rule in our house is if it has more than 5 ingredients, and/or contains ingredients that you can’t pronounce or find in nature, then you don’t need to put it in your body.

As far as the meats, we’ve been especially careful, because of the ridiculous amounts of hormones and antibiotics that are allowed to be given to animals now. They are given growth hormones to make them huge, and grow faster to get them to market as quickly as possible, and given antibiotics because most of the time they live in filthy conditions. Not only that, but they are not fed what they would eat if they had their choice. Cows eat grass, chickens eat worms, turkeys eat plants and insects. When you go the grocery store, you see signs about vegetarian fed animals, and we think thats good because it’s been suggested that vegetarianism is good for humans. But it ain’t necessarily so for animals.

All i’ll say is, be aware of what you’re putting in your bodies, and the bodies of your children, because these companies count on you being ignorant about what they are putting in your food. Do a label check, see what’s in there, and if you can’t understand it, do some research. Believe me, your family will thank you for it!

Baby Steps 2.0

Well, it’s interesting how things happen. Last night, I wrote about not wanting to force my son to walk, and that he would do it in his own time, and today…he’s walking! We were sitting out on the back porch trying to stay out of direct sunlight (it’s hot as HELL in Dayton today), and he was holding onto the railings, walking across the porch away from me. I thought for a minute, maybe he’ll get nervous and start freaking out, but he was okay. He kept turning back and laughing, so, I didn’t think anything of it, he was having a good time.

Each time, he held on, and walked a little bit further away, and im just trying to make sure that I can jump up and grab him if he decides he wants to jump somewhere or falls. I offered him some water thinking he would follow the railing back, but he let go of the railing, and just walked over to me. Just like that! At first, I thought I was seeing things, but he took small little steps, and just kept making his way over to me. I couldn’t believe it. My baby walking!!! Almost immediately, I flashed back to the first time I saw him, wow, my baby. And now, WOW, this is MY baby, walking to me for the first time. I cried in excitement, and I am not a cryer. This is the next step, he’s on his way. Getting bigger every day, and giving me more things to be excited about and look forward to!

Baby steps

I, like many other mothers, frequent a couple different baby sites, and get a weekly “checkup” email on new milestones to look out for. Milestones that really, in the grand scheme of things mean nothing. Well, maybe “something”, but sometimes, I think it’s just another way to freak parents out about whether or not their child is developing “correctly” or “on time”. These milestones are just supposed to be a GENERAL GUIDE for things your baby may or may not be doing yet. It even says in the email don’t be alarmed if your child isn’t doing the things the email references, because each child develops at their own pace.

You see all the message boards, full of women who are freaking out because their 13 month old doesn’t have a vocabulary of 10 words yet, or hasn’t yet decided that s/he wants to walk without holding onto your hands. OR, you have the moms who brag about their kids knowing two and three word phrases, or having a 76 word vocabulary in three different languages. It can be so extreme at times that I just have to sit back and laugh, and think about how much these people must be stressing themselves and their babies out about these things. I wonder do they realize that they are helping to raise a generation of neurotic children?

I know that they mean well, and they want their children to grow up and be smart and productive members of society, but people don’t give babies enough credit. They are smarter than you know. My son doesn’t say much more than mama or dadda, but he understands EVERYTHING that I say to him. He knows when I am going to tell him not to touch something, because he turns around and looks at me first, and shakes his head “no”. He can’t (or doesn’t want to) say it yet, but he knows what he’s doing. He hasn’t decided that he wants to walk by himself, so we walk around together. He’s now getting to the point where he is okay with holding onto just one of my hands, or letting me walk behind him just holding on to his collar. He’ll take a few steps, and then turn around and want to walk with me again.

It bothers me that people want their kids to be early walkers and talkers, trying to make the baby grow faster than s/he is ready to, and then complain about how they wish they were babies again. Babies will do what they are supposed to do when they are ready, it’s the parents ideas about “independence” and things the baby “should” know that will frustrate them the most. Right now, i’m enjoying ALL my sons babyness, because before I know it, he’ll be talking up a storm, walking all over and destroying my house, and i’ll long for the days he could just say “mama”.

Women’s Event at Roll: Bike shop in Dayton area! Come out!

Ladies, do you have a bike, or have you been searching for a new bike?

Well, Roll: (a bike shop at The Greene in Beavercreek) is having a Women’s event this Sunday where they will let you try out new bikes, do body scans to give you the perfect ride, clinics on maintenance of your bike, personal training, Pilates for cyclists and gift bags at the end of the day!

Roll: is a pretty cool spot to learn more about bicycles and riding, so if you are interested, check out the site, and sign up! I’m sure its going to be fun, and I hope to see you there!

Sign up!

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Stay-at-home moms on Tyra Pt.2

Now, on the to the SAHM vs. working moms debate. This is what REALLY got me…

So, of course, I was looking forward to seeing what was going to be said about SAHM’s, and I was absoultely infuriated by the the time the show was over. First off, the entire audience was composed of mothers, and it was supposed to be half working moms, and half SAHM’s. In actuality there was about 75% working moms and 25% SAHM’s, which was the first thing that disappointed me because Tyra made a point of noting that the audience was supposed to be 50-50.

The panel was two SAHM’s, and two working moms, and I can only remember one of the fours womens names, because she was the most vocal, and the biggest letdown for SAHM’s, Stephanie. She started out well, talking about how she loved staying home with her sons, and how she kept them active with playdates, but then she started to break down and cry when Tyra asked why she made the decision to stay home. She said, while crying profusely, that she wanted to stay home with her kids because her mother wasn’t around as much as she would have liked her to be, it affected her adversely, and she didn’t want to do that to her kids. From then on, all of her defenses against the working moms were whiny and weak.

The other SAHM (whose name I cannot remember) talked about how her sons had playdates and how she always wanted to stay home with her kids. Tyra then begins to interview her husband who was sitting in the audience, and he says that he thinks she has the easy life, that all she does is go to the pool and do fun stuff all day, that she doesn’t clean up or do anything else, and that he is the one who cooks and cleans up. He said that he thinks she should go to work, and he stay home with their sons because she has it too easy. She promptly shuts up, and doesn’t speak for the rest of the show.

Damn! So that’s what we get Tyra, a woman who is ALREADY perceived as weak for her decision to stay home breaking down and crying, then whining the rest of the show, and a woman whose husband doesn’t even support her decision to stay at home with their children??? The case for working mothers was looking really good in opposition to these women, and if I was a young single woman watching the show or in that audience, based on what I saw, I would have had an extremely low opinion of SAHM’s and what they do.

What’s more is that the Black working mother said that she tried staying home with her kids for a while, and was bored beyond belief because all she did was sit around and wait for the next tv show to come on and find the next thing she could eat in the refrigerator. She not only said that, but was at the same time inferring that that’s the way all SAHM’s are, which couldn’t be further from the truth. I know for myself, I ALWAYS have something to do (taking care of my son, cleaning, laundry, running errands, getting groceries, making meals, etc), AND I make sure that my son and I are both doing activities that are fun, and get us out and around other people.

I know that at times I can be defensive about being a SAHM. It’s because being a mother has become so devalued in our culture, and people can treat you like you are a complete failure if you make the decision to stay home. I, for one, have two degrees, worked (and hated it, like MOST people), had a mom who worked, and had lots of examples of working women (most of whom were single, and unhappy) who had children. As I said in my post, F*ck that, i’m a Mother, the expectation was that I would be a working mom, and when I chose to stay home with my son, my decision was frowned upon by many close to me. So, what I was truly disappointed in was the weak and inadequate representation of stay-at-home mothers.

Sometimes I feel like I try too hard to combat all of these negative and incorrect perceptions that people have about what I do and what type of woman I am, but when other people see women like Stephanie, they lump us all together, and I have to remind people, I AM NOT THAT WOMAN! I would have liked to have seen two women who were strong and secure in their decision to stay home and raise their children, and not a reinforcement of the “bored housewife/soccer mom” stereotype. I am very lucky to have a husband that is incredible, and I wish that both of those ladies had husbands who were as supportive and fiercely protective of me and what I do for our family.

So, to all my sisters out there who have made the decision to stay home, we must continue to be resolute in informing others of the importance of what we do. Keep showing people that you are committed to what you are doing for your family, and be a positive and uplifting representation of what a stay-at-home mother is. PEACE!

I LOVE riding my bike!

I never thought that I would be using a bicycle as one of my main modes of transportation, the others being the bus and my feet. Had you told me ten years ago that i’d be riding a bike, catching the bus and walking at 28 years old, I would have laughed in your face, and yet here I am, absolutely loving it, and thankful. Yes, thankful, in a country where 2/3 of the people are overweight or obese, to even be ABLE to walk around, and get around on a bike or bus is an accomplishment, and when gas is $4+ dollars a gallon, it becomes a MUCH more attractive alternative.

Admittedly, I was not so hot on the idea initially, but now, you can’t keep me off my bike. My husband and I were “marooned” here in Dayton last year in August due to some absolutely insane circumstances (our home and our STUFF is still in California), and in the fall of last year, he bought himself a bike from a pawn shop and started riding to class (He’s studying Nutrition and Culinary Arts), which is about 3.5 miles downhill. He rode the entire winter long, in the rain and snow. Hell, I thought he was crazy, but he loved it, had so much energy, and was so excited about it, I told myself, in the spring, when the weather breaks (cause there was no way in HELL I was riding around in the snow, with a baby no less lol), I would get a bike and ride around town with him.

That being said, I was still skeptical because Dayton is unlike a lot of areas in the Midwest that are flat and not so scenic, has LOTS of hills (it’s in a river valley), tons of beautiful mature trees, and wonderful bike trails courtesy of our Five Rivers MetroParks. We live near the top of one of the many hills in Dayton, and at the time, I wasn’t too interested in finding out how much my legs would burn trying to pedal up that hill. I rode as a kid around the corner, a little in college to get to class, but I was by no means someone who considered themselves a bike rider.

For Mother’s Day, I was given a present that I was happy and excited about, but also dreaded because I knew that those hills were coming sooner than later. The first weekend that I had my bike, we rode a total of almost 30 miles. I surprised even myself! I was taking epsom salt baths for a couple of days to help soothe my muscles, but I was getting hooked.

So, since we’ve started riding our bikes all over the city, i’ve noticed that I have more conversations with people i’ve never met than I ever have in my life. Usually it’ll start over the babies bike seat, or how sweet my husband has my bike set up with a flag, rack, and Baby on Board sign (thanks baby!). Some conversations go deeper than others (can’t talk too long while waiting at the stop light), and I have had some very interesting conversations with people in most cases, I wouldn’t otherwise talk to.

Recently though, i’ve been getting a lot of encouragement, and people telling me how much they respect that i’m out running my errands, going for groceries and riding the bus, all with baby in tow, on my bike. Now, it’s just become so much a part of my life that I don’t even think about it, but I know that I can’t take it for granted either. It is a blessing to be able to have these experiences, and i’m thankful everyday to know that people appreciate and respect what I do, because they don’t HAVE to take the time out to let me know how they feel. That’s incredibly humbling! I know that because people see me, I am silently encouraging some other moms to hop on their bikes with their babies, that young women see that it’s okay and cool to ride a bike and be healthy and strong.

A young pregnant woman I was on the bus with a week or so ago saw me carrying my baby on the front, backpack on the back, and groceries, then put my bike on the rack, and when I got on the bus, she said, “Oh my GOD, you’re a BEAST! I saw you waiting at the bus stop with all that stuff and watched you put that bike up there, and I was like, WOW, she’s REALLY doing it!” That is incredible to me! When I hear stuff like that, I just know that I gotta keep doing what i’m doing. You never realize how much people are paying attention to what you’re doing, and when they see you doing things, they see that it’s not as bad as they thought, or wow, she’s doing it, I can do that too.

I love everything about riding my bike, and I get more excited every day to hop on my bike and see how much further I can go, how strong i’m getting, how much easier it’s getting to climb those hills, and know that I will almost certainly run into some fun and fascinating people along the way.

Stay-at-Home moms on Tyra Pt. 1

I was watching Tyra last week, and she had a show on mothers, and the topics were about extended breastfeeding and stay-at-home moms vs. working moms, and the eternal mommy wars. Who does their job better? I was so incredibly disappointed in this show because it was not at all objective, and it made me have a little less respect for Tyra and her producers, because they allowed an incredible amount of bias against the mothers who were still breastfeeding and stay-at-home moms (SAHMs for the rest of this post).

I was so mad, it took me this long to write about it. I actually wrote the show and left two comments that were not posted on the website, which I am incredibly disappointed about, but hey, they have the right to pick and choose what comments they want, right? I popped in a little late, and so I didn’t see the very first segment of the show, but I came in where a woman named Veronika (who i’d actually heard about before on Youtube) was talking about how she was still breastfeeding her two daughters, one of whom is 8.5 years old.

Now, i’m not mad at her for continuing to breastfeed her children at that age because I know it’s benefits (antibodies, cognitive development, oxytocin, bonding, etc), and it even pushes the limits of my comfort levels, but who am I, or anyone to say that she is a horrible person for it? Well, most of the women in the audience felt that they needed to tell her how disgusting it was, how she was self centered and has issues with “letting her children go”, and it was even suggested (by the so-called “psychotherapist no less) that she has intimacy issues that she needs to seek help for.

Women said things like, if they’re old enough to ask for it, you shouldn’t be breastfeeding them, that it was the most disgusting thing they’d ever heard, that she probably had no sex life because (it was automatically assumed) her husband couldn’t possibly be attracted to her. She said it was quite the opposite, that her husband was more turned on by her because of what she was doing for their girls.

I was absolutely appalled at what I was hearing from these women. Then I had to remember how uniformed women are in this country about their bodies, and particularly their breasts. In America, breast have become synonymous with sex, when their primary use is to FEED OUR CHILDREN. In other countries, it is not unheard of for women to breastfeed their children until they are 7 or 8 years old, in fact, it’s only here and the UK that women routinely breastfeed for 6 months or less, or not at all (even though the World Health Organization recommends 2 years AND BEYOND http://www.who.int/child_adolescent_health/topics/prevention_care/child/nutrition/

breastfeeding/en/index.html).

In fact, a while ago, Anthony and I heard about a story of a 7 year old Indian boy who was at school sick, and his mom came to the school to nurse him, and he started to feel better. Don’t get me wrong, 8 years old definitely tests my comfort levels, but that woman should have a choice on whether or not she wants to feed her girls, and she should not be ridiculed and looked at as a freak because she does. Women don’t realize how detrimental it is to give a child formula, and if they did, they wouldn’t give it to their children. (I’ll talk A LOT more about breastfeeding vs. formula in later posts)

Now, on the to the SAHM vs. working moms debate. This is what REALLY got me…

Most Children Strongly Opposed To Children’s Healthcare

more about “Study: Most Children Strongly Opposed…“, posted with vodpod

F*ck that, i’m a Mother!!!

I am not a person who curses a lot. Well, anymore. Since having my son, I’ve realized that he is like a sponge and will imitate everything that I do, so I’ve had to make a concerted effort to reduce the potty mouth I was once regaled for and proud of. However, when I am repeatedly asked, “what do you do”, sometimes, I want to come up with an elaborate title like child development researcher, family development specialist, or Chief Financial Officer that makes “stay-at-home mother” sound more sophisticated. Then there are other times that I want drop all pretenses and scream at the top of my lungs, “F*ck that, I’m a mother!

That may sound crazy, but the fact that initially, I couldn’t say that I stay home with my son with pride is what really bothered me. I had to really think through why I would let someone else make me feel even an ounce of shame about something that I am not only proud of, but put a lot of thought into. I think it’s partly because when your answer is that you stay at home with your kid(s), people make flash judgments about you that are generally negative (uneducated, lazy, or pampered and spoiled, etc), and it is evident in the way the rest of the conversation goes. After experiencing vacant stares, looks of pity, and a noticeable disinterest in continuing the conversation a few times, you can start to get defensive and even insecure about your choice.

Staying home with my son was a conscious decision that I made with my husband. I was raised by a single mother who worked all the time and didn’t always have time to help my sisters and I with homework, or spend any real quality time because any down time she had, she was catching up on rest. I knew that I didn’t want to work, and come home to “the second shift” too tired to play with or give attention to my kids. I wanted my children to have the best of me, and more importantly, I wanted to be involved in their lives.

Most people that know me, especially female relatives were surprised and even somewhat disappointed in my decision, because almost all of them work outside the home. It was expected that I would do the same. They said that I didn’t strike them as the type to want to stay home with my kids, and that I was wasting my college education and career opportunities that I will never get back. My retort to them has been that this is time I will never get back with my son, and that is more important to me than any career opportunities that may or may not have been available to me. My college education will be put to good use in homeschooling my son, and utilizing my knowledge to start businesses that will afford me the opportunities that I really want and will allow me to spend time with my family.

I found comfort in knowing that I am not the only one in my generation who feels the same way. In 2006, the Census Bureau found that of 23.3 million married couples with children under 15 years old, almost 20% of those couples had stay-at-home mothers, a 19% increase from 1994. (U.S. Census Bureau, 2007) A discussion was started about the “Opt-out Revolution” in 2003 with a New York Times article Lisa Belkin wrote, bringing up the point that educated women are leaving the workplace to stay home with their families. More articles discuss women of Generation X, in particular, going to school, getting advanced degrees, and then deciding that being home is more important. Quite a few of the women cite their mothers being in the workforce and not having enough time to spend with them as part of the reason they decided to stay home.

I know for me, not wanting to repeat my mothers mistakes was a factor, but more than anything, I knew that no one else would take care of my child like I will. I know what my child likes to eat and I can make it for him just the way he likes it, his sleep patterns determine what we do for the day, which not only gives me opportunities to nap too, but also makes me slow down, and not stress about having to get everything done.

Not only that, my son makes me live a fuller life. I started riding a bike again, with him in his little seat on the handlebars and we ride everywhere in our city. We go to baby and me yoga classes, he’s about to learn to swim, and we’re involved in our local Metroparks activities so much that everyone knows us by name. I would never be able to do any of these things if I was working outside the home, and I am thankful to be able to experience this life with him. So, for him, I will gladly sacrifice a career, keep working on reducing my “potty mouth”, and proudly proclaim, “I’m a mother” when asked what I do for a living!

“You have a beautiful family!”

Yesterday evening all three of us were restless and needed to get out of the house, so my husband and I decided to go for walk. When we go on these walks, it trips us out that we are almost always the only people walking, and its like we have the whole city to ourselves, because people don’t use the resources around them. We are especially thankful to be living in Dayton right now, because unlike Indianapolis, where we lived for two years, there are sidewalks almost everywhere. In Indy, there were no sidewalks past the edge of your subdivision, which was really depressing for us, but I digress.

We were also talking about how you never really see familys out together anymore. Generally, you’ll see a mom and her kids, and even more rarely, the dad and kids, but usually not the whole family out together doing simple things like going to the grocery store or riding bikes together, or even just hanging out. I often wondered whether or not it’s because there are fewer families that are still in-tact, but a quick check of the census bureau shows that in-tact families are still the majority (In 2006, 51% of Family households are married couple families, averaging 3.2 people per household). So, why is it that we are consistently the only family walking around and doing things together on a regular basis?

Anyway, on our walk, as we were crossing the street, there was an older gentleman impatiently waiting to cross the light who I was eyeballing to make sure that he didn’t hit my child, or me and Anthony. He kindly looked up and nodded his head, as if to let me know his foot was firmly secured on the brake. As we’re crossing the next street, he drives by, rolls his window down, and says, “you have a BEAUTIFUL family!”, and waved at us. We were stunned. Didn’t know what to say or how to react. By the time we’d thought of something, he was already gone. It puts a smile on my face just thinking about that, I mean, how random for someone to just scream out of their car how beautiful your family is. It was greatly appreciated because we know that man didn’t have to take the time to say it, but he did.

It’s crazy because it seems that everywhere we go, people are paying attention to us. I don’t mean that in the paranoid, “everybody is watching us” way, but we’ve noticed that people seem to notice us more than they do other people, and engage us in conversations far more often than they do other people. Not just that, but when we go to large events, its like photographers have heat seeking lenses that somehow always manage to find us, and as a result, we’ve been in the local paper twice and a local park system paper as a family just in the last four months. It’s like we are wearing some kind of beacon that just attracts people and makes them want to know who we are.

Its kind of weird, but it’s also really cool to know that people still love to see families together, out playing together and having fun. People stop us and ask us all kinds of things, from where we got Miles’ bike seat, helmet or sling, or just to let us know that they see us everywhere around town. Recently, people have been calling us The Bike Family, which is hilarious, but it means that people see us out and in some way feel connected to us, and are inspired to do things they wouldn’t ordinarily do.

As an African-American family, I know we can be considered an anomaly, but we’re hoping that people seeing us out often changed peoples perceptions about what a black family looks like.